"If I Could Tell You Now"
A poem to my younger self--healing my inner child
“If I Could Tell You Now”
If I could tell you now, sweet young one, you will find many polarities within yourself, you are as deep as the lakes you will later find respite, you are a treasure, don’t flinch but embrace the intensity, learn to coexist, but embrace it just as you should your spontaneity, wild heart and silly nature.
Some day things will make more sense, those brooding relentless dark ruminations in the forever stilliness of your sleepless nights, will make more sense, you are not crazy so try not to obsess that people think that of you. If they do, they weren’t meant to be in your life.
You will often feel like an alien that landed on the wrong planet, you just need to find the other aliens, they are out there and will become your beautiful tribe.
The patriarchal capitalistic society you did indeed land on may not be designed for you, but don’t let that squash your dreams and make you feel any less than. You are an artist, don’t be scared to take that identity and cherish it.
You also love girls, save those hundreds of worthless kisses on boys and lecherous men you didn’t have an eye for, it will never feel like the movies. It’s also okay not to wear dresses and to feel best in suits and ties, binaries were never meant for you. You never fit into a neat box even though that was your only geometric option. I think you’re more of a diamond or star.
Don’t let the world or false renditions of God tell you that you are anything other than a child of the angels. You have one or many protective entities watching over you at all times, find them, give them your stillness and gratitude and don’t feel pressured to figure it all out. There is so much gray, young one, things don’t have to be black and white.
You will decide at age thirteen that you will be true to yourself no matter the cause even if that means being somewhat of an outcast. It will be the hardest decision you will ever make, but probably the best one I’d say. You will forever remember that day since it was one of the biggest decisions of your life.
Stay strong, you got this. When you reach me at my age now, almost 42, I will hug you, and we will continue this journey together, forever united.
.